I don't even know why I'm still doing these other than for my own personal sanity. I don't ever really do new years resolutions, the exception being last year where after probably having way too much sugar around the holidays I started to show some of the warning signs for diabetes which caused me to stop taking sugar in my coffee and really pace myself when it came to any sugary crap I'd inevitably get offered from now on. I mean since starting that I've generally felt the same but haven't had anything alarming like painful urination or feeling like your pancreas is rejecting your very existence.
So I've been rather open and up-front with myself the last few of these, probably alarmingly so to the point people might think to put me on some kind of watch list. So let me clear the air a bit. Yeah that last post seemed kinda mid-life crisis but I'm fine. Around the end of 2017 I had a strange interaction with someone in RS3, a person with a reputation for flirting and teasing anyone who was nice to him in game. This person also played scantily clad female characters specifically but was open about being male so I can't really say they're trap baiting. Either way this person for some reason or another pursued me quite strongly and after a few days I felt I needed to explain why I was so awkward about it. So over the next four days we wrote each other a ton on discord, despite him definitely not being into my whole deal for some reason he decided to cater to me anyways. I know he hated doing it but I wasn't about to tell him to stop, besides my candidness with him actually prompted him to openly come out as gay to the RS3 community. You might think this built a strong friendship between us but after the last day on discord we haven't talked since. Turns out my deal was so off putting to him that he had to isolate himself from me by deleting his discord entirely. I don't really blame him for it, but the experience made me realize that I was tired of keeping such a huge part of myself hidden. So yeah around the end of 2017 and beginning of 2018 I decided to just put myself out there as a furry in the hopes maybe I'd be able to have more conversations like the ones I had in those four days.
It didn't work out really, I mean I did meet one other furry this way but our RS3 gameplay styles differ drastically and because he's a commission author who live writes his commissions for his discord fans I never really want to dm him in case I'm interrupting a writing session. Mostly what I've been doing is just finding excuses to bring it up and vent without a care for what anyone else thinks. So yeah my initial stance of throwing caution aside to just be myself and not give a damn has apparently never receded, I've kind of become a bit of a dick. The thing is, I don't know if I want to go back to how I was in 2017. It's not like I can take back everything I've done and make people forget what I am. All I can do is continue forward.
I guess that'll be my new year's resolution, continuing forward with what I am but this time I'm gonna stop pushing it so hard and let things flow naturally rather than trying to direct everything towards me.
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